I feel overrun with emotion today and not entirely sure why that is. I think it has something to do with trying to hold onto the past, even though I know there is nothing there for me any longer. It has been far too long that I have been holding on to the past. It took me getting out of the environment that I was in and spending the past few months hundreds of miles away to be strong enough to admit this. I have spent too long putting my life on hold for a person that is not worth it. It feels like I have sacrificed valuable time and that is something I will never get back.
Coming south for the summer has forced me to step outside my comfort zone, something which was desperately needed. I was able to work again, although not in my own field, and that gave me some confidence that I really needed. At the same time I met some really great people. One of whom I can't seem to get out of my head. I'm trying not to put too much stock into that either. He's a really nice guy, and I do like him, but just not ready to put myself out there. Part of me wishes I was staying here a while longer then maybe I could get more chances to get to know him better. Leaving is inevitable though, and if anything did blossom, as unlikely as that is, I'd never want to leave. So for now, I will just admire from afar, and have my first real man crush since my heart was shattered by that unnamed, undeserving individual.