Monday, August 6, 2012


What to do, what to do. My summer of work is over, and I really should be thinking about going back to NY, yet somehow that is the farthest thing from my mind. I have no desire to return to the day to day drama, and stress that I have had to deal with for the past year straight. It's been nice having a job and when I come home every night for the work part of my day to be over with. Instead of being pulled in a million different directions every waking moment of every day.  

It would be nice to stay here, work, and live a fairly normal life again. Trying hard to deal with the guilt of staying. I know that I am needed at home, but after sacrificing a year of my life I have no desire to go back to that and lose the little bit of freedom that I have here. Meeting S has also made wanting to go home difficult. As much as I am trying to not let his presence influence my decision it is nearly impossible. It's been so long since I have met someone that has intrigued me this much. While having a relationship is probably not going to happen, just having him around makes my days a little brighter. It so weird because I have pretty much sworn off the thought of men, and then I meet someone who breaks down all the barriers I have put up, and makes me want to let him in, and not give a second thought to whether or not I'm going to get my heart broken. 

So, I must make this decision soon. School starts in a week or two here, and if I am going to stay and work I must commit to it. Otherwise, I need to make plans and head make to NY. Decisions, decisions. 

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