Well, the time has come that I must truly make a decision about staying here in the south, or going back to NY. Had a meeting at work today from 9-Noon, and when it was over I was again questioned about whether or not I was interested in a permanent position with the company. I am tempted to stay, but there is so much that is weighing on my mind. It would be nice to have stable employment again, and not have to worry where my next dollar is coming from. However, at the same time I am still a vagrant of sorts with no real home of my own. Staying with family isn't the end of the world but it would be really nice to be able to have a place to call my own, not to mention to finally be able to get my things out of storage after three long years of paying those monthly fees.
Also got to see S today. Out of the Chef coat! I almost fell over when he came up to say hi, and he was wearing normal (not work!) clothes. Almost didn't recognize him without a baseball hat on! He looked adorable as ever. Since I got stuck sitting with his nemesis at the meeting he sat at another table, which was probably better because I would have just spent the whole time staring at him. We did get a chance to talk when we went on break, and after the main meeting while we were waiting for our individual ones. It just reminds me how easy he is to talk to and how much I always WANT to talk to him. About anything.
In the back of my mind I worry that if I stay and take this job, I will never see S because he primarily works days and I will be working at night. I am kicking myself for letting my feelings for him even be a factor in whether I stay here or not. It is impossible to deny that I want to get to know him more, and if I head back to NY there will be zero chance of that happening. I feel like of all t he people I have met on my trip here, he is the one that I have clicked with the most, and I can't deny that there is some spark there, I just am not sure if that is one sided on my part, and I am just pining away for some guy who is not interested in me, even in the least. I was planning on being all brave today and giving him my phone number, but I totally chickened out, and am kicking myself for that. I just hope that if I decide to go back home, I will have enough courage to give that to him so there will be at least a remote chance that we can stay in touch.
So much to think about, and I have to give Miguel a decision by Sunday. I just hope I make the right one this time.